‘It’s me, beloved and iconic, Scottish TV personality and children’s entertainer, Jeannette Krankie. Forever ingrained in the memory of anyone who was born in the ’70s and 80s’.
‘I’m here to tell you that I’m getting really tired of these comparisons with Nicola Sturgeon. It’s got so bad that I get heckled down the street: “All right, Sturgeon. How’s it going?”, “Here look, it’s wee Nippy Sturgeon”, people will shout at me. I get blamed for the lockdown restrictions, failing standards in schools and the absolute state of the NHS’.
‘Yes, fair enough, we both have slightly creepy husbands that people are dimly aware of that seem to operate as some unknowable svengali-esque puppet master from behind the scenes and we both do appear to be nearly asexual on occasion’.
‘And, yes, I suppose that we also both speak with a slight sense of veiled threat and you’ve probably had a feeling of general, but ill-defined, inexplicable unease when you hear us speak. You know that feeling when someone is just slightly off and you can feel it on an instinctual level? Yeah, that’.
‘Come to think of it, we also both treat people like petulant, clueless children as well. But, in my case, it’s because that is my core audience. I’d guess Nicola just likes talking down to people.
‘Anyway, apart from that, we have absolutely nothing else in common’.
[PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A WORK OF SATIRE AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF SCOTLAND MATTERS]