Covid-19 virus particle, DRFUFE-78, has spoken exclusively to Scotland Matters about its experiences of being infected with Margaret Ferrier: “It was fun at first, I mean I got to visit Parliament, was taken all about London, got my hair done in a beauty salon, met some police officers. Honestly, I was having the time of life. I met so many interesting people. Margaret even made a short speech about me. I was honoured. And that train journey; I mean, wow, such beautiful scenery. You really appreciate this small island at times like that. Can’t believe I got to do it twice either”. 

“But I started feeling woozy, I had a fever. I was delirious. I was speaking a weird ‘scoddish’ dialect and started thinking that Westminster was stealing all my money and blaming the English for all my problems. I had no grasp of basic financial concepts like taxation. I felt that I couldn’t speak out against SNP policy and considering I’m a strand of genetic material in a fatty shell, this was quite an achievement”. 

DRFUFE-78 went on to say: “The experiences of Margaret Ferrier infection should not be underestimated. I still have mild symptoms like increased hypocrisy and refusal to resign from my position. So stay home, stay safe. Margaret Ferrier is still around”.

[PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A WORK OF SATIRE AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF SCOTLAND MATTERS]

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