Here me thoust noble people of Scotland. Despite meagre and unkindly notice, thy yuletide festivities have henceforth been cancelled by your Lord High Protector, Defender of the Realm, Nicola Cromwell.
A vile pestilential miasma has spread throughoust the land unperturbed despite thy numerous contaminants and covering of thy pox-ridden countenances and shuttering of shoppes.
Thost shall only be allowed to travel from thy abode on the Christ Mass day to visit kith and kin and must return afore 12 on the witching hour of the same day lest you bring divine wrath and ruin upon your parish almshouse.
Innumerable agents of the Polis Alba shall be patrolling the byways and will fine a minimum of 2 shillings or thy must toil in the lairds field until thy sum is paid.
I hereby also command that flailing of limbs, songs not worthy of the sabbath, the vile liquid of intoxication and merriment of anykind will also be banned henceforth until I shall see fit to see to their gradual recommence.
Glad tidings be upon all my subjects.
MORNING NEWS – 25/01/21 – Care Homes to be investigated over covid deaths, SNP are the anti-business party.
[PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A WORK OF SATIRE AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF SCOTLAND MATTERS]