Here me thoust noble people of Scotland. Despite meagre and unkindly notice, thy yuletide festivities have henceforth been cancelled by your Lord High Protector, Defender of the Realm, Nicola Cromwell. 

A vile pestilential miasma has spread throughoust the land unperturbed despite thy numerous contaminants and covering of thy pox-ridden countenances and shuttering of shoppes. 

Thost shall only be allowed to travel from thy abode on the Christ Mass day to visit kith and kin and must return afore 12 on the witching hour of the same day lest you bring divine wrath and ruin upon your parish almshouse. 

Innumerable agents of the Polis Alba shall be patrolling the byways and will fine a minimum of 2 shillings or thy must toil in the lairds field until thy sum is paid.

I hereby also command that flailing of limbs, songs not worthy of the sabbath, the vile liquid of intoxication and merriment of anykind will also be banned henceforth until I shall see fit to see to their gradual recommence. 

Glad tidings be upon all my subjects.

Sign up for our newsletter Here. Get the best news, features, articles and opinion straight to your inbox.

What Matters To You? Click below:

Politics

Economics

Health

Unity

MORNING NEWS – 25/01/21 – Care Homes to be investigated over covid deaths, SNP are the anti-business party.
MORNING NEWS – 25/01/21 – Care Homes to be investigated over covid deaths, SNP are the anti-business party.

https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/19030574.care-homes-scotland-deaths-probed-crown-office/?fbclid=IwAR34JZPT1Nicxd0ul2oYqSsON_CS-2Gn78S5kdvVjsBLp8mPDG_cLEBZ5p0 https://www.heraldscotland.com/…

[PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A WORK OF SATIRE AND DOES NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF SCOTLAND MATTERS]

Click Here to Return to the Main Menu.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *