Nicola Sturgeon Would Actually Love To Visit Her Parents At Christmas But She’s Forgotten Where ‘North Ayrshire’ Is
‘However, the real reason is that she doesn’t recall exactly where ‘North Ayrshire’ is anymore. The first minister went on to say, ‘Let me be frank with you. I left Irvine when I was 18, joined the SNP, and I have hardly been South of Paisley Gilmour Street or North of Bridge of Allan since that time…’ [Click Here to Read more]
Rishi and Forbes: A Seaside Vacation
Jeannette Krankie Gettin Real Tired of This Nicola Sturgeon Nonsense
‘I’m here to tell you that I’m getting really tired of these comparisons with Nicola Sturgeon. It’s got so bad that I get heckled down the street: “Here look, it’s wee Nippy Sturgeon”, people will shout at me. I get blamed for the lockdown restrictions, failing standards in [CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
The Warning Signs Of Scottish Nationalism: The Five Tier Alert System
Level 2 – Whit aboot Scotland?: Lingering and persistent thoughts of ‘oor oil’ materialise in your everyday thinking. SNP policies seem attractive even though they appear unanchored from the real world of economics and society [CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
Covid-19 Has Been Struck Down With a Bad Case of Margaret Ferrier
Covid-19 virus particle, DRFUFE-78, has spoken exclusively to Scotland Matters about its experiences of being infected with Margaret Ferrier: “It was fun at first, I mean I got to visit Parliament, was taken all about London, got my hair done in a beauty salon, met some police officers. Honestly, I was having the time of life. I met so many interesting people. Margaret even made a short speech about me…[CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
Independent Scottish Navy To Consist Of An Angry Glaswegian In A Canoe
Kate Forbes To Start Selling Sheep To Reduce The Deficit
Nicola Sturgeon Denies Entire Existence of Alex Salmond
Nicola Sturgeon is now denying the entire existence of her predecessor Alex Salmond in an attempt to save the SNP from further embarrassment. When questioned on this she responded: ‘I can categorically say that I have never seen this man in my life. I have absolutely no idea who he is. I don’t even think he was a member of the SNP…[CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
Rats in Nicola Sturgeon’s Constituency to Form Their Own Pro-indy Party
Following on from the formation of the Scotland for Independence party, the rats in Nicola Sturgeon’s run-down Glasgow Southside constituency have decided to throw their weight behind the independence movement and form their own progressive pro-independence party called ‘Fur for a Left European Alba’, or F.L.E.A. for short…[CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
Disappointment Over Scottish Exam Results Preparing Teenagers For A Life Under The SNP
With the recent fiasco over exam results continuing and the Scottish Government’s recent u-turn, Education Secretary John Swinney has said: ‘With the current recession, constant and endemic underemployment, and after nearly fifteen years of economic, social and cultural regression in Scotland under the SNP, I and my parliamentary colleagues thought it would be best to control the expectations of the next generation before it’s too late…’ [CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
Aberdeen Being Punished For Having A Functioning Economy
The SNP To Start Selling Branded Coffins
Face Masks Now Mandatory At Sturgeon’s Press Conferences
Due to the unprecedented volume of hot air being exhaled by Nicola Sturgeon at her ‘Covid Conferences’, all those in attendance have been advised to wear a facemask when they are in close proximity to the First Minister. Professor of Political Bullshit at St Andrew’s University, Harley Gillies, said that…[CLICK HERE TO READ MORE]
Birthday Messages For Our Dear Leader
Greetings Scottish Citizens. As you know our Great Leader recently celebrated her 50th birthday with a clap from the grateful populace, a salute from the ‘Scottish Resistance’ and a socially distanced ‘sair elba’ tap from her predecessor. Click here to see the top 20 most joyous exaltations chosen by the official state newspaper, The National out of 800 beautifully crafted birthday wishes Happy birthday ma’am!
The Scottish Resistance To Organise Hot Tub Sit-In Protest
New Scottish Border Patrol Force In Action At Gretna
‘Big Support’ For SNP In Irvine
Nationalist Angry At Cheese
New Nationalist TV Channel Launched
New Name For ‘No’ Voter Discovered By Scottish Separatist
Extreme Separatists Try New Tactic Of Being Aggressive And Blaming The English
Wee Ginger Dug In Another Startling Anti-tory, Pro-SNP, Anti-UK, Pro-oor Nicola, Anti-Union Article
Former First Minister Makes Dramatic Intervention in Cineworld Robert the Bruce No-show Scandal
Welcome to Scotland in 2019. A nation where our former First Minister now interferes in a ‘Twitterstorm’ over a film about Robert the Bruce that an independent cinema chain doesn’t wish to show at its cinemas that only has a 40% rating on Rotten Tomatoes because nationalism.
Yet Another Indy Crowdfunding Surprises Absolutely No One
A lone Scottish separatist has decided yet again to set up another Crowdfunding campaign to ‘draw in fence sitters and soft no voters’ for our 8th ‘ Rough Wooing’ since the end of September 2014. This time it’s different though! This time it’s to prevent Scotland from being ‘held prisoner by the British State’ in the event of a no-deal Brexit explains the text that has been copied and pasted from every other unsuccessful separatist crowdfunding campaign that has ever existed previously.
Robert the Bruce writes for The National
Here, actor Angus Macfadyen miraculously channels the wisdom of King Robert the Bruce from beyond the grave in an unmatched feat of clairvoyance that only the power of writing for The National could imbue him with.
SNP Tour from the SSE Hydro in 2014
Below, you will find a video of an SNP conference/event hybrid from 2014 that would have been utterly alien to Scotland before 2007. Guest appearances include such musical luminaries as Blank Canvas and a rapper called Stanley Odd. Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond have walk on parts.
So you don’t have to watch the entire spectacle, go to 2:03:00 to see a man waxing lyrical about “I don’t know, but I didn’t vote No!”, “When I say bed tax, you say nae chance!” and that “British values need a respirator!”. How often can you say that you witnessed the exact moment your nation lost its sense of perspective?